Movie “Breach” is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in decades

Recently stumbled upon a movie called “Breach”. And since it was about space ship and weird shit happening on it, I was immediately interested. Then realized Bruce Willis and Thomas Jane are in it and it’s a recent movie from 2020. I was like whaaaaaat, how did this thing fly under my radar?! How nobody talked about it anywhere?

Only other movie giving me wtf vibes after watching it was Uwe Boll’s House of the Dead where I literally dreamed about it and had mild nightmares. Like, by just how little sense it made as whole and that haunted me in my dreams that night after watching it. And Breach is on that very same level. It’s actually really difficult to put it all together…

It’s like the authors of this movie got inspired by bunch of cool sci-fi games and movies like System Shock 2, Doom, Aliens (both originals and Prometheus), Stargate- SG1, Dead Space and then just somehow executed it really poorly with really dumb and inconsistent plot, cheesy dialogues, really weird interactions with characters, really weird combat scenes, really weird aliens, really weird ship structure, really weird faster than light travel, really weird ship reactor, really weird… well, it’s a really weird movie with even dumber and weirder final scene.

And there is just something that just can’t escape my head. How the hell Bruce Willis and Thomas Jane ended up in this movie?! How can one make such a weird low budget, low effort movie and get these two actors on board unironically.

I know people often mock Nicolas Cage for crappy movies that don’t even hit theaters, but my god I cannot understand this one. Did I mention it has Bruce Willis in it?

I’m starting to believe this movie was actually a plot by Bruce Willis and Thomas Jane to troll everyone in this god forsaken year of 2020. It was like their “fuck you everyone” gig and I hope they had fun doing it and even more fun laughing at us idiots who watched it. Coz my god I haven’t watched anything this dumb and bad in decades. Not years, decades! If you want a lethal dose of cringe, then by all means, watch it!

1 thought on “Movie “Breach” is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in decades

  1. So far 2021 is even more of a “Fuck you, humans!” year than 2020, and in keeping with the general theme you’ll be glad to know good ol’ Bruce has stepped up to the plate yet again (“Once more unto the Breach, dear friends, once more”) with a new magnum opus called Cosmic Sin. If you thought Breach was weird, oh boy, are you in for the cosmic ride of your life! I don’t think this can ever be topped, but who knows what fresh new Vices Brucie has in store for us all?

    As for Nic Cage, we all know he’s dealing with the Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent which can no doubt lead to some pretty spectacular misfires, but even one Mandy per decade is sufficient IMO to elevate him far beyond the pathetic mess that is Bruce’s reputation at present.

    Like

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